How To Make Artificial Hymen At Home

How to make artificial hymen at home

Oh, you're getting married. A: congratulations! But hiccups: his family wants to make sure you're a virgin, but (eek!) You are not. Everyone understands the value of a woman with limited sexual experience, but some of us just realize that after we let every man who knows plow us, it's like harvesting cabbage. If only you could get back in time, until the day you split up for the first time in gymnastics class, or the day you had an accident on the playground, or the day before your first penis was inserted into your body. Now you can! But wait a minute: your friend sneaks in that your surgery does sound expensive. How to make artificial hymen at home?What is a girl?

You don't need to spend a lot of cash to restore your virginity.How to make artificial hymen at home? With a few household items, ice packs and a little moxie, you can sew your hymen yourself! Follow these simple steps and you will instantly "feel like a virgin" :

Take a plastic container with a fabric bolt and a loose button. Practice pressing straight buttons. You probably already have this skill, because that's what every prospective wife should do. In this case, your hymen is the button.

Select your "thread". We recommend using fishing line to minimize the amount of anyone staring at your crotch seams. Bright nylon rope is also hard to break up your engagement. When your new mother-in-law sees how bloody the sheets are after your wedding night, they'll look at each other and say, "look, I know he can marry a packers fan!" Focus on laughing as you continue with your brutal self-surgery, there will be in the morning.

Grab the hand mirror you use to examine and criticize your own vagina and set it so you can sew it with both hands. Stretch your hymen residue over your vaginal opening to cover as much surface area as possible. Not a lot of work? Red or pink plastic tablecloths also work well. Start near the "shame button" (a.k.the clitoris) and sew the fishing line back and forth until the tissue edges are firmly attached to your labia minora.

When you're done, tie a cute bow at the end, because your virginity is a gift to yourself! And your husband, apparently. The bow is also easier to undo as the wound heals.

You can repeat these steps as much as you want, so you can feel your first time every time! If this marriage isn't going to work out because of those pesky in-laws, you know how to do it for your future husband!